Take It Vertical – Look up for Marriage Makeover | FamilyLife Radio Hosts & Conference Speakers’ Experience Inspires

Sharing the love of Jesus has ignited Ann and Dave Wilson’s passion for more than four decades. The Wilsons married when Ann was just 19, and they remember kneeling before God on their honeymoon asking not just for a good marriage, but one that would impact the kingdom.

The young couple dedicated themselves to ministry,  joining the staff of Athletes in Action, a division of Cru that works to reach athletes with the Gospel of Christ. Forty-one years later they continue to inspire others and leave a legacy of faithful service. In addition to holding several positions with FamilyLife®, they co-founded a multi campus mega church in the Detroit area, and Dave served as the Chaplain for the Detroit Lions NFL Football team for 33 years.

Two years ago, the Wilsons decided to step back from the daily responsibilities of church and chaplaincy to take on a new role as the primary hosts of the FamilyLife Today® Radio Show and Podcast Network, following in the footsteps of legendary founders Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine. Dave and Ann have recorded close to 700 episodes of the show since taking over as hosts in 2018.

“FamilyLife Today® is a weekday podcast featuring fun, engaging conversations that help families grow together with Jesus while pursuing the relationships that matter most,” according to the organization. 

Familylife® was started by Dennis and Barbara Rainey in 1976. “Newly married and passionate about building godly homes, this Campus Crusade for Christ staff couple started ‘The Marriage Preparation and Family Emphasis,’ which soon became Familylife®.

“What began as conferences for Cru (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ) families quickly expanded to the general public, and what is now FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® was born. Dennis and Barbara have spoken at more than 150 marriage getaways, and the events have reached approximately 3 million couples around the world.”

FamilyLife’s mission is to “effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time,” according to the organization.

The Wilsons’ roots with FamilyLife® go deep. They’ve been speakers on the Weekend to Remember®  Retreat tour for 32 years. The organization notes 1.5 million couples have found encouragement, hope and practical tools to help build and grow their marriages at the two-and-a-half day romantic weekends. The website invites couples to, “invest in and strengthen your marriage―no matter how firm or fragile.”

While Weekend to Remember® Retreats shut down for almost a year, they are now back in full swing. During the downtime, FamilyLife® updated some of the material. Now a husband and wife couple speak together to both men and women. “I hate to do a marriage message without her,” Dave said. (Find clips from their ministry on YouTube). A new addition, incorporating real time digital surveys via smartphone that show up on screen to reinforce topics. The presentation team also includes a diverse group of 90 couples to appeal to a wide range of participants.

Topics include conflict, isolation, oneness, sex, with leaving a legacy for future generations a strong theme.

Another big issue: how pornography is wreaking havoc in marriages. “Kids are getting into it so early,” Ann said. “It used to be women saying their husband wanted sex more than they did. Now it is so easy for people to self-satisfy with porn they are not interested. And even women are now into porn.”

“Screen time is big in marriages, too,” Ann said, “with everything being on your laptop or iPad, people can work all the time.”

One hallmark of the Weekend to Remember®, couples don’t jump into a small group with others to share their marital experiences. They complete meaningful projects together in private. 

New Direction – Authoring Books

As the Wilsons divested themselves of their weekly responsibilities with the church and the Lions, they managed to write not just one, but two books, Vertical Marriage and No Perfect Parents, the latter making its debut April 2021. Both books were born out of their struggles as a young married couple working in ministry while raising three sons.

In 1990, Dave felt called to start Kensington Community Church, “a church for those who didn’t go to church.” Soon it grew to 15,000 members across eight campuses, and he was preaching every other weekend.

The bottom dropped out of their relationship at the 10-year mark. Ann realized on their anniversary that busyness and distraction had taken a toll on their relationship.

“Dave was gone all the time, and I told him I felt nothing for him,” Ann said. “Dave was finding his identity in what he was doing. I was finding my identity in marriage. We had taken our eyes off Jesus, and it’s easy for little idols to come in.”   

Their journey eventually became the basis for their book, Vertical Marriage (also available as a small-group study), which highlights repentance and surrendering marriage to Jesus. On that fateful night, when Ann confessed that her love for Dave had grown cold, Dave felt the Lord soften his heart and tell him to repent, which he did, somehow folding his athletic frame into a kneeling position in their small car.

“I realized I had been living a mediocre walk,” he said. “When I get the vertical (relationship with God) right, the horizontal (relationship with others) follows. I asked God to save our marriage and make me the husband and dad my family needed.” 

Ann responded, “A gentle answer turns away wrath,” she said. “I found myself thinking, ‘Ann Wilson, you’ve been trying to find your life and happiness through your husband. He’s not created or made to meet all your needs.’”

Since that time they’ve seen their feelings for each other rekindle as a result of making their marriage a priority.

“It is sweet to use the pain in our lives to help others,” Ann said.  “So often couples say, ‘I’ve married the wrong person.’ They are dissatisfied. You didn’t marry the wrong person – you are looking in the wrong place,” Dave said. “You are looking horizontally, you’ve got to go vertical. When you find true life in Christ, it changes how you do marriage. The secret is Jesus.”

They encourage couples to pray together daily, even for 30 seconds, stating that practice changed their marriage. They also counsel others to build a rhythm of going on a date weekly and getting away once a year to pour into the relationship.

“We had little kids. We had stopped looking at each other and asking the hard questions like, ‘How are you doing? How are we doing?’” Ann said. “After the night of repentance, he’d ask me, ‘How do you think we are on a scale of 1-10? How do you think we can get the number higher?’ Those little things made me know he cared about the relationship and would bring my heart back.”

Another revelation came when the two spoke together to a MOPS group, where Dave’s words stung Ann. He told the women that as boys grow up, they “have someone in our lives who is cheering for us, a teacher, a coach, someone applauding. After I was married awhile, all I heard was, ‘Boo.’”

Ann was stunned. She asked Dave if he truly felt like she was booing him. She thought her words were helping him improve. He told her that her critiques didn’t feel like helping to him. It felt like she didn’t even like who he was. 

Ann said she needed to have a heart-to-heart with Jesus after that conversation. She felt the Lord telling her, “Yes, listen to yourself and calculate the thoughts in your head. Are you complaining or comparing?” She started reading about respect and changing the words she let escape from her mouth.

“I would go to God first and say, ‘Should I say it? If so, how and when?’ It took a lot of self control,” she said realizing as women, “We have so much power and influence how we speak to our husbands and sons.” (The Wilsons’ sons are now all in their 30s, several have followed their parents into ministry).

Other takeaways from the book: Dave and Ann realize it is one thing to say to prioritize God in your marriage, it’s another to show what that actually looks like.

“It is the surrender of our will to His will, and the marriage becoming His, not ours,” Dave said.

They’ve found marriages of those in ministry are often not very good. “Ministers don’t want to admit it.  There have been some real tragedies with some of the Christian leaders,” Ann said. 

“There’s still a stigma that pastors don’t go to a counselor,” Dave echoed. “I went to a counselor when I retired from my church. It was hard.” How do they thrive? Start with where you are, Dave said, and be honest. So many pastors live in isolation and their wives want to honor their husbands, so they don’t share with anybody.

“People in ministry are just normal people,” he added. “We struggle like everybody else. There’s spiritual warfare going on.”

“When you are in ministry, you need a team of people praying for your marriage, your kids and your family,” Ann said, “because that’s the first place Satan goes. He knows if he annihilates those, you are disqualified. Husbands need other men; wives need other women. You have a target on your back.  If you become isolated, you are heading for disaster.”

Stories from NFL Chaplaincy

Dave grew up with a rocky home life, with alcoholic, divorced parents. His life changed when he came to Christ his junior year of college. He played football at Ball State in Indiana, where he was inducted into the Hall of Fame for his prowess as a quarterback. After the Wilsons married, they served with Athletes in Action at the University of Nebraska for two years, then Dave was named Chaplain to the Detroit Lions in 1985, the youngest in the league.

Ann had the opportunity to take classes alongside Dave as he attended seminary at the International School for Theology with Campus Crusade, knowledge that came in handy as she began disciplining player’s wives. The Wilsons settled into a weekly rhythm, leading a couples’ study every Monday night together, while Dave also held a players’ study at the facility.

After 33 seasons, Dave holds the title as the longest serving chaplain in the NFL. He saw some of the greatest spiritual breakthroughs the years the team performed the worst athletically. “One season we went 0-16, 27 guys came to Christ and got baptized,” Dave said. “That’s a revival!”

One of their sons played in the NFL briefly and joined Dave in the Lions locker room. 

“So many of these kids are young millionaires,” Ann added. “Their girlfriends and wives are young, beautiful, they move to follow these guys. They are so lonely, so lost. There’s a lot of infidelity. They just want to have a group to know and love. Sometimes broken and lost is the best time to know Jesus, and then they impact their men.”

She remembers one sweet wife who shared with the group that her husband had planned a special night out including a hotel room for their first anniversary. Ann counseled her to buy some new tasteful lingerie as a treat for her husband. After some convincing, the wife agreed. When she told her delighted husband she had gotten the idea from her Bible study leader, he told her he didn’t want her to miss a meeting. He eventually joined Dave’s group, and today, the two have six children and serve in ministry together. All due to a nightgown!

FamilyLife’s Weekend To Remember Retreat® will be in San Antonio in November 2021. Dave and Ann also host a Vertical Marriage Weekend or day-long seminar.

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