Marriage and Family Expert Draws from Decades of Experience | Life Lessons for Legacy Building

What would motivate someone to start a marriage ministry? According to HomeWord Founder and President Jim Burns, it was the work he and his wife, Cathy, found necessary at the beginning of their 47-year marriage that inspired him to build what has become the source of some of the most trusted family and relationship advice in the nation.

In the ensuing years since its inception in 1985, HomeWord has put forward close to 2 million resources in 30 languages. It is the largest provider of parenting seminars in the US. Jim, a prolific writer and speaker, has produced books, webinars, podcasts and workbooks that reach thousands of people annually across the world. Topics concentrate on HomeWord’s four core values: Strong Marriages, Confident Parents, Empowered Kids and Healthy Leaders.

Families raising their children from toddlers to adulthood have found wise counsel from HomeWord’s books and studies. One of Jim’s newest titles, Doing Life With Your Adult Children - Keep your Mouth Shut & the Welcome Mat Out addresses family challenges after children grow up. “You’ve got to give the adult child the passport to adulthood and release him,” Jim said. Its corresponding video and course is one of the works Jim launched online last year in response to restricted travel. It’s sequel, Finding Joy in the Empty Nest, is due out this year in response to the rising divorce rate among older adults, the only demographic trending an increase.

Jim spent most of 2020/early 2021 moving the bulk of his seminars into an online format. HomeWord taped 15 courses to meet the demand for family and marriage support during this challenging season. Not only did the online offerings fill the void created when conferences curtailed, they appeal to the younger generation starting marriages and families. People can find courses like The First Few Years of Marriage, Creating an Intimate Marriage, Have Serious Fun, Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality, Understanding Your Teen and the full Refreshing Your Marriage marriage conference, many in both English and Spanish translations, at homeword.com. 

“I’ve tried to write content for every stage of marriage,” Jim said.

Jim found younger adults prefer content they can watch or listen to on their phone that lasts less than 15 minutes.  He mentioned one millennial mentioned they even listen to the audio of HomeWord’s video courses while they drive.

“The number one thing Millennials and Gen Z want is to have a good marriage and to be good parents,” he said. “They value marriage more than the breathless pace of life.”

 Jim and Cathy married soon after they graduated from college. While they had dated ever since meeting at freshman orientation, little did they realize how difficult the early first years would be, as they dealt with the baggage from their families of origin.

“We were the couple who would argue on the way to church – and I was the youth pastor,” Jim said. The couple knew they were either going to recover or repeat the cycles of their past. A year into marriage “we put a stake in the ground.”

“I say we have a high maintenance marriage,” he added. “We did date night on a weekly basis because we needed it. Date night uncovered their need for spiritual intimacy, which Jim believes “is the least developed intimacy.”

“Cathy begged for that, so we began with 20-minutes a week.” This pattern became the model for one of Jim’s popular books, Closer: 52 Devotions to Draw Couples Together. I never thought we’d be teaching people the Closer thing,” he said. He encourages couples to take the Closer challenge – devote 20 minutes once a week to read something together and pray.

“When you experience a closeness with God together, it puts other things in place.” An added incentive: Praying together is sexy. “When Cathy and I pray together, it is natural to move from spiritual intimacy to be open to physical intimacy,” he said. Another encouraging concept Jim desires to pass along: Communication is a learned trait.

 “I want people to know that they can develop the skills to communicate more clearly, but they have to work at it. Conflict can be negative or positive. You start with tension, then move toward authentic oneness and closeness or distance. Learn to become a WE.”

Jim began speaking with Promise Keepers in the 1980s and realized the church needed help with their marriage and parenting ministries.

“We put too much pressure on pastors instead of coming alongside them,” Jim said. “Every church needs tools to have a solid marriage ministry,” which Jim has found also leads to open doors for evangelism and community outreach. He noticed couples attending parenting seminars were receptive to information about their marriages. “Marriage is not easy,” Jim said. “Children cause stress in a marriage. It’s hand in glove. Parenting skills will help them and their marriage. “They’re going to be on the same page together. Avoiding that deeper tension is then better for their children.”

He assumed conference attendees were in some type of emotional pain and needed practical insight to help their families succeed. Jim has written material to address all the ages and stages of marriages and families, including couples prior to saying, “I do,” 

“People have a 31% better chance of staying married if they get pre-marital education,” he said. “Why do you think divorces happen at four years? The first few years of marriage, people are not thinking about building a foundation for marriage. They just got married, then had to adjust to the relationship. They might be having a baby, moving, changing jobs. They were doing all that without working on their marriage. They’ve built their foundation on the sand. They’ll change when the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of changing.”

Jim’s newest book, Have Serious Fun, and 12 Other Principles to Make Each Day Count, came out in July. There’s nothing like staring your potential death in the face to crystallize your priorities. After a cancer diagnosis, Jim found himself compelled to write down the top 13 life lessons he hoped to impart to his family. This book was the result of the notes he dashed the night before surgery.

The word, legacy, kept reverberating in his mind. He couldn’t rest until he knew he had recorded his message to his three daughters and grandchildren. Experts have found at the end of life, priorities reduce to having peace and reconciliation with God and with family.

As Jim pared down decades of experience and wisdom to the most important life lessons, Have Serious Fun was born. As Jim says, “I believe it’s one of the most important things I’ve ever written.” Others agree. The book begins with a dozen glowing endorsements from leading family ministry experts and authors, including a foreword by Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages.

“Most of us would like to leave the world a better place than we found it. Most of us would also like to have fun in the process.”

“Perhaps Jim’s best and most important book. Priceless insight, easy to read, super inspiring, deeply thought provoking, and filled with practical ways to experience God’s best for your life. I highly recommend it.” Chip Ingram – founder and CEO Living on the Edge – author, Yes! You Really Can Change.

“Jim Burns is a gift. Over the years, his upbeat personality, wise counsel, and grounded insights have added incredible value to my personal growth, my marriage to Leslie, and my professional work.” – Les Parrott, Ph.D., New York Times best-selling author and marriage ministry expert.

Have Serious Fun begins with the concept of play being the missing ingredient that gives us the “energy and courage to step back into the not-so-fun moments in life.”

“Play opens closed spirits and can even heal broken relationships. The family that doesn’t play well together probably isn’t doing all that well.”

“Deep conversations don’t always cause you to have a connection,” he added. Words may not lead to connection with a loved one, but connection through fun leads to more words. Playing together draws intimacy. You have a choice to make: practice thankfulness, and focus on fun, play, humor, and building lifelong traditions.

“These are my life principles – I just put them in the marriage element,” Jim said.

“A circumstance may not change, but your attitude can. If you spend your life enjoying God and serving Him forever, putting in the work will reap benefits,” he said.

Isn’t that the ultimate goal of a life well lived? Find the principles below:

Have Serious Fun – And 12 other principles to make each day count.

1.      Have Serious Fun

2.      Attitude is Everything

3.      Practice Thank Therapy

4.      If the Devil Can’t Make You Bad, He’ll Make You Busy.

5.      Practice Positive Adaptability

6.      It’s the Pain of Discipline of the Pain of Regret

7.      Family Matters More than Work

8.      Find Replenishing Relationships

9.      Seek Accountability for Effectiveness

10.  Communicate with AWE

11.  Set Excellent Goals and Create Workable Habits

12.  Delegate to Focus on What You Do Well

13.  Glorify and Enjoy God While Serving Him Forever

Find more inspiration and resources including testimonies from couples and trusted professionals, marriage events, date night suggestions, and more.