Legacy: Gary and Barb Rosberg Inspire Marriages Across the Globe | Ministers to Military, First Responders

Dec 13

Marriage coaches, international speakers, mentors, ministry founders, radio show hosts, best-selling authors … There's no avenue in the marriage and family realm where Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg have not only participated but excelled. The impact of their biblically based wisdom is felt around the world – whether through their more than one million books and DVD series translated into 12 different languages, 35-year international speaking ministry, 22 years hosting a radio program, or marriage and life coaching through their America’s Family Coaches. In addition to their for-profit The Rosberg Group, they’ve created not one, but four non-profits to serve populations including men, wounded military heroes, and first responders.

As the Rosberg's family has grown to include 12 grandchildren, Gary and Barb are consolidating their efforts and creating sustainability plans to transition their ministries to the next generation of leaders. “We’re being very intentional and very systemic with our succession,” Gary explained. “We’ve spoken thousands of times all around the world and country. We’re at that legacy state.”

Their current endeavor is in partnership with the International Christian Coaching Institute (ICCI), the fastest growing Christian coaching network in the world. Recently ICCI leadership spearheaded by June Hunt invited a dozen senior-level speakers and leaders to create training videos to coach others in their areas of expertise.

“We’ve been impressed,” Gary said. “These are all warriors who have been found faithful. This is an incredible opportunity.” The Rosbergs were invited to teach three courses totaling 30 hours of video content to equip and credential coaches to earn their certification as Professional Life Coaches in the marriage coaching specialty. Gary and Barb will mentor the newly credentialed coaches as they apply their skills to their practices across the world. The ICCI team plans to launch their new resources at an in-person event in Allen, Texas, in fall 2022, providing the Rosbergs with an avenue to affect the change they so desire.

In the Beginning

The couple, who met on a blind date in college, have been married for 47 years. Early in their marriage, Gary fell into the pattern of many men of his generation, becoming so immersed in his career and graduate school work, he put family on the back burner. It was a drawing by the couple’s older daughter Sarah that provided an epiphany. The five year old had colored a picture portraying the Rosberg family – down to the family dog — but without Gary. He realized his hectic schedule working, teaching, and pursuing his doctoral degree (as a marriage therapist, no less) had left him lacking time to minister to his own family.

“I was winning in the marketplace but losing at home,” he said. He made a decision then and there to spend the next years restoring his own family. He purposefully asked Barb and the girls daily questions to check his efforts. In the beginning he noted some skepticism. But after time, his family’s security and trust grew. Two years later, younger daughter Missy, now herself age five, presented him with her own drawing. This time, in addition to the dog, Gary was included. That child’s picture, now framed and hanging prominently on the wall, has become his prized possession.

During the years Gary worked counseling and through feedback from their radio broadcast, writing, speaking or personally coaching couples, the Rosbergs have sat with countless people who’ve said, “There’s no way I can return home … or rebuild this… I’m giving up hope,” they report. “We share our story and say, “We have been there. It is brutal, but they can experience a great marriage,” Gary added.

The Power of Connection

In addition to the daily family checkup, Gary and Barb agreed to spend the first half hour after he came home from work alone together having “chair time” in the living room. “We told the girls unless they were bleeding, broken or bruised, they were not allowed in,” Barb said. The couple would talk through the high and low points of their day, before they tackled the dinner table and the girls. They developed a habit of holding a small, red soapstone heart they had picked up on one of their many speaking engagements in Africa to remind them that they were tenderly holding each other’s heart in their hands as they conversed.

“We learned from the South African women that the words, ‘I love you,’ in Afrikaans mean, ‘I hold your heart,’” Barb said. “Hearts are very fragile. Everyone longs to be heard, seen and understood. We need to listen tenderly, to be all in.” The Rosbergs share these physical hearts along with their meaning as a visual tool with those they coach.

In 1983, the year Gary graduated with his doctorate, and also the year he was left out of the family picture, the couple attended a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember thinking it would be a resource for his clients. They had been involved with Campus Crusade in college, and it “felt like we were coming home,” Barb said. They felt their life changing as they allowed Christ to step into their weakest places. They began volunteering, eventually chairing the Weekends to Remember for the entire state of Iowa, after which they were asked to become conference speakers — a real privilege, Barb said. They became certified as John C. Maxwell international speakers, trainers and coaches as well as obtaining Board Certification as Master Life and Marriage Coaches through Light University. Recently they have been credentialed as Certified Master Christian Life Coaches in the marriage coaching specialty.

The Rosbergs developed a concept for resolving conflict that eventually became the outline for the first of their 13 books, Healing the Hurt in Your Marriage. By the early 2000s they had written several more books. Divorce Proof Your Marriage was released in 2002 and won a Gold Medallion award at the Christian Booksellers Convention. Retitled in 2007 as 6 Secrets to Lasting Love, the best-seller became the foundation of the “Rosberg Marriage Coaching Method.” Based on Philippians 2, the six secrets include forgiveness, serving one another, perseverance, guarding from temptation, celebrating the marriage covenant with emotional, spiritual and sexual intimacy, and renewal. Eventually Lifeway released a video series teaching the content. The Rosbergs were asked to start a daily call-in radio show by the same producer (Ambassador Advertising) who launched James Dobson and Chuck Swindoll. America’s Family Coaches became syndicated and spread from Tampa to Los Angeles.

“People would call in live to talk about the topic of the day,” Barb explained. “We’d address the issue and try to help them by answering questions, connecting with them and giving them hope.” The show was on air for 22 years. “We all long to have connection,” Barb said. “When Gary was in school, I would express what I needed – more date time, more conversation. I was crying out to God in prayer. Finally, when I felt like we weren’t connecting, I clammed up.” When a woman quits talking, she quits trying, Barb cautioned. “A woman can become a walk-away wife. She’s tried it all, but if her husband doesn’t have the eyes to see, the ears to hear, or the heart to feel, she begins to quietly walk away.” The Rosbergs noticed this phenomenon cropping up as a topic on their radio show. “A man would call in and tell us his wife had just walked away. Gary would ask, ‘What did she say she needed a year ago?’ We try to be one of those props supporting biblical marriage, telling people to hang in there.”

Throughout their career Gary and Barb have personally delivered what they call the “Rosberg Method,” to churches and groups. Now, they train the trainers through video programming. Their messaging is based on 6 Secrets to a Lasting Love used alongside a quantitative marriage assessment tool they call Rmap (Rosberg Marital Assessment Profile). The couple wrote questions for an assessment to reveal both spouses’ perspectives. Responses are analyzed and produce a report detailing 12 metrics that provide a systemic strategy to target help.

The results of the Rmap can be used with individual couples or across a group. A typical pastor may have no real idea what’s going on in marriages in their churches, Gary said. “They know who’s getting married, who’s getting divorced, they may know if a couple is in counseling – but that leaves out a huge percentage! Does the pastor know how couples resolve conflict, what’s their level of trust, or their communication style?” The Rmap quantifies the situation for a therapist, coach, or pastor and helps them discern how best to use the information to better shepherd and preach. “It’s like putting up a chest X-ray to find out what’s inside,” Gary said. “All the coaches we’re training in Dallas spend time learning how to use the Rmap.”

As their careers blossomed, the Rosbergs felt compelled to give back. Their Healing the Hurt in Your Marriage inspired a non-denominational men’s ministry, Crosstrainers, which connected 400-500 men weekly at its pinnacle. Crosstrainers has continued for 32 years.

In 2005, a U.S. Army General in charge of an Iowa-based regiment called the Rosbergs for help. The service members coming home from deployment in Iraq had dismantled more than 500 mines and lost four of their company, Gary said. Marriages were imploding. He and Barb fundraised and held an event, then another, which eventually grew into their ministry Honoring America’s Heroes. The events were so successful the Rosbergs videotaped them and sent more than one-half million dollars’ worth of their marriage-building resources to troops all over the world through the gifts of generous donors.

“Hearts are very fragile. Everyone longs to be heard, seen and understood. We need to listen tenderly, to be all in.”

— Barb Rosberg

Then Afghanistan hit. 2400 Iowans were being deployed. Leaders from the Iowa National Army Guard again asked, “Can you help?” Gary and Barb held a pre-deployment event, after which they supported 85 military spouses and 300 kids with monthly events. They enlisted athletes from local universities to play with the children and restaurants to provide refreshments. Once the troops returned, the Honoring America’s Heroes team offered a re-integration event.

Trauma broadened the target audience. In 2016 five policemen lost their lives in Des Moines in nine months. Barb said. As they, along with countless Iowans, watched a grief stricken first responder community reel with loss, they stepped up to help. As they reached out to the DMPD police chief for a “one hour meeting” their new movement, Impact Iowa’s Heroes, was born.

This led to an annual event that honors the fallen and provides marriage support and coaching. The evening concludes with a Christian message where the speakers share their testimony and model how to pray together. “We make it optional, but everyone comes in when we tell them we’re going to share the power behind our message,” Gary said. To date more than 1500 heroic Iowans have been served through Impact Iowa’s Heroes events, resources, coaching and training.

Involvement in the military community connected the Rosbergs with the Green Beret Foundation, which eventually led them to create non-profit Honoring America’s Heroes. Gary and Barb realized sadly that often the marriage of a wounded warrior dissolves even after a new home has been provided. Veterans, especially those who have been wounded, and special forces operators experience an extremely high level of divorce “Countless marriages of those wounded in battle don’t make it,” Gary said.

The Rosbergs invited 20 of these high-risk couples to join them for intense marriage enrichment training to try to get ahead of the curve. These couples are experiencing traumatic brain injury, amputation, blindness, third degree burns, paralysis. The cohort has met together for an annual weekend retreat for the past six years. Only one of the marriages has dissolved. Three of the couples now are being trained to coach others. “These are the coolest guys in the world,” Gary said. “They have instant street cred.”

Ed and Karen Matayka had been married six years and were medics in the U.S. Army posted together to Afghanistan on their second deployment. Ed sustained a traumatic brain injury and lost both of his legs, among other life-threatening injuries, when the vehicle in which he was riding hit an explosive device. Helping a Hero partnered with them to build their home in Bandera, Texas, where they now live with their nine-year-old twins. They met the Rosbergs at a Helping a Hero gala and became part of the small group of military couples dealing with injuries and death the Rosbergs mentor.

“Dr. Gary and Ms. Barb are two of the greatest people I know,” Ed said. “They exemplify what a Christian marriage should look like in their own marriage. They lead with vulnerability as they talk about the difficulties. It helped center those of us with injuries and taught us how to stop the cycle of hurts, disappointments and anger and work through disagreements.”

“They teach you how to work through a faith-based model, elevate what we’ve learned and apply it to life,” Karen added. “They piqued my interest in the Lord.” Both Karen and Ed were inspired to a relationship with Christ by the Rosbergs’ example and were baptized on the same day two years ago.

“Gary and Barb most definitely exemplify good attitudes, good relationships, Christlikeness, forgiveness and patience. They are just an amazing couple and have done so much not only for us, but other couples we know, and especially in a community that is devastated by divorce and separation,” Ed said.

“The military life in itself is difficult,” Karen added, “but the wounded military and wounded veterans — 75% of couples that we knew going through recovery completely destroyed themselves. We are one of the lucky ones who were able to make it through and then be able to fix ourselves. It takes a lot of work to get there, and then it takes maintenance. We are so grateful. We have been blessed beyond measure and words.”

“We don’t want these couples not to have the help they need, but we are trying to diminish our imprint so the next generation can step up.”

— Gary Rosberg

As the Rosbergs transition their efforts toward their work with the ICCI, they are stepping back from personally speaking and leading at many of their events that are moving toward the next generation of leaders. They encourage new speakers — friends Dr. Mark Mayfield, Dr. John Trent and his daughter, Kari Trent Stageberg. They also partner with others like Taya Kyle who leads the Taya and Chris Kyle Foundation in honor of her late husband, “American Sniper” Chris Kyle, to take the helm of their non-profit work so it can grow beyond their influence. “We don’t want these couples not to have the help they need, but we are trying to diminish our imprint so the next generation can step up,” Gary said. A fitting testament to a life well lived. Find more at https://www.americasfamilycoaches.com/.