Insights from Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Founders of FamilyLife / 50 Years of History, Plans for Future Legacy

Jun 1

If you’ve picked up a marriage or family book or study in the past 40 years, chances are good it was either written by FamilyLife co-founders Dennis and Barbara Rainey or published by the ministry. The couple started the fledgling FamilyLife organization in 1976 under the umbrella of Cru (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ). For the next 41 years, God’s favor and the Raineys’ leadership grew FamilyLife into a dynamic and vital ministry that’s equipped millions. People in more than 110 countries around the world now experience the abundant life Christ promises in their marriages and families.

According to its mission statement, “FamilyLife exists to help families grow together and impact their corner of the world.”

The seeds that blossomed into a passion for families were planted in Dennis early in life, as he was raised among warm, close relatives. It wasn’t until he arrived at the University of Arkansas that he realized the formative years of many of his peers had been quite different. Dennis and Barbara married in 1972 and became involved in student ministry, where their vision for building godly homes grew. They started “The Marriage Preparation and Family Emphasis” through Cru, which soon became FamilyLife. As Dennis finished his master’s degree in Biblical studies from Dallas Theological Seminary, Cru gave them the platform to begin a conference to equip all engaged couples on staff for one of the most important commitments of their lives: their marriage. In 1976, 43 attended the Raineys’ first marriage prep conference.

The first year they spoke to 400, the next, 700. By 1980, they noticed the bulk of the attendees were married couples. People kept coming back year after year, finding each season brought new challenges to their marriages, Dennis said. Their initial work preparing engaged couples for marriage grew into Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways now held across the United States and internationally. More than 3 million couples now have attended a Weekend to Remember®. The Raineys have personally spoken to at least 150 Weekend to Remember®s as well as FamilyLife’s I Still Do™ arena events.

“No one was more astounded about the growth than we were,” Dennis said. While FamilyLife extended its reach, the Raineys likewise expanded their own family to number six children in 10 years. To protect their time, they developed a speaking team system that is still in place today. Currently 60-70,000 people attend FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways annually without knowing beforehand which of FamilyLife’s speakers will lead the event. The team has grown more diverse, including those from a broad range of socio-economic backgrounds and ethnicities.

“It is not about a person other than Jesus Christ,” Dennis said. “I love that.” Dennis noted marriage events provide an “international language to reach people for the gospel.”

Dennis and Barbara, along with Bob Lepine (co-host), began hosting a nationally syndicated radio program in 1992. FamilyLife Today® has grown to be included on more than 1300 radio stations in nearly all 50 states and dozens of countries globally. FamilyLife Today® has received the National Religious Broadcasters Radio Program of the Year Award three times.

It would be difficult to choose, but out of the 6,250 FamilyLife Today® radio programs that biblically address life, marriage and family, the Raineys list 20 favorites, declining to rank them by preference. Legends in the relationship and evangelical fields like Bill Bright, Chuck Colson, Elisabeth Elliott, Francis and Lisa Chan, John Wooden, Ken and Joni Tada and John Piper number among them.

Prolific authors, the Raineys have written or co-written more than 35 books, including the best-selling Moments Together for Couples and The Art of Parenting. They served as the senior editors of the HomeBuilders Couples Series®, which has sold more than three million copies and has been translated into 47 languages.

Another resource Dennis remembers with particular fondness is the Passport 2 Purity he created to help parents share God’s design for sexuality with their pre-teens. “It’s estimated that more than ½ million young people have gone through that curriculum with their parents,” he said.

“We all need to know the truth about who we are and about God, marriage and family. Then we apply it, experience it, embrace it and proclaim it. It’s what every Christian was designed to do.”

— Dennis Rainey

One of the Raineys’ gifts has been their ability to break down the truth of God’s word, making it easy to understand so people can apply it to their lives. “We all need to know the truth about who we are and about God, marriage and family. Then we apply it, experience it, embrace it and proclaim it,” Dennis said. “It’s what every Christian was designed to do.”

“We need training in being a wife or husband, father or mother — how to make that commitment to go the distance, and especially in this culture, which is not a family friendly culture,” Dennis said, quoting pastor Caleb Kaltenbach as he wrote “Christians are no longer the home team. We are visitors. We are pilgrims in a foreign land. The world is trying to impose its view on all of us. If we don’t have a Christian worldview we will conform to the world.”

After 45 years, Dennis and Barbara transitioned out of leadership as FamilyLife president in 2017, turning over the reins to longtime Cru leaders David and Megan Robbins. Dennis had determined that by the age of 70, he wanted FamilyLife’s leadership to pass to the next generation, knowing they would be able to more currently address issues of young families.

“Transitions are part of life,” Dennis said. “But they are not easy. Release points and transitions are among the key decisions we make in life. We wanted to do it in a way that honors God and the next generation. We talked to the board early on, and I’m thrilled at how David and Megan are doing. We’re great friends and they are doing an exceptional job.”

Barbara compared letting go of the ministry that they birthed to letting go of one of their children. “It’s not easy for parents to release children to get married. We’ve let go of six kids to start their own families. We had to let go by faith and trust God in the process,” Dennis said. “Letting go is one thing – another is keeping your mouth zipped. Whether it’s a relationship with an adult child or a transition to a new ministry. We learned not to meddle in things and cause problems.”

Despite looking forward to enjoying their large family of children, spouses, and 27 grandchildren, Dennis was adamant that stepping back from leadership was not a retirement.

“When we let go, it was not because we retired. The military term for ‘retire' is to step back from the front lines of battle. We did not retire. We reengaged on the battlefield.” The Raineys are turning their attention to sharing their experiences and encouragement via digital resources at their theraineys.org and Barbara’s Ever Thine Home® websites. They are exploring the possibility of their adult children joining them to make their ministry generational, Dennis said.

“Disappointment is the birthplace of hope, and it is evidence that you in fact believe in God. It’s an opportunity to see God and have an experience or an encounter with Him that results in life change and growth.”

— Barbara Rainey

They describe the next step as “a biblically based, resource-rich platform that will digitally deliver and leverage the content you need in the way you wish to receive it … mobile, text, audio, video, and perhaps someday an app. It’s all designed to grow your courage and your faith to face the issues that this culture is throwing at you, your marriage and your children and grandchildren.”

The couple recently shared highlights from their 50th wedding anniversary they celebrated with their entire family at Barbara’s family’s historical farm in Arkansas. Their children honored them by planning and orchestrating the event, which included a rededication of vows ceremony complete with white bridal dress and granddaughters throwing petals.

“We haven’t done it perfectly, we made mistakes,” Dennis said. “But now we marvel at our family. I don’t know how we would have done it without making scripture the basis of our worldview.”

Lessons from their lives are just one of the things they share on their sites. They also offer 365-day devotionals for couples from two books that sold more than a million copies, videos and video series on marriage, parenting and manhood issues. As they’ve moved into the empty nest season, the Raineys frequently address topics like relationships with adult children and how to be a godly role model for grandchildren.

Dennis describes their work at TheRaineys.com, as “These articles contain our best advice about the thorny issues that rob us of our courage. We have nearly 300 articles tackling issues and questions that we’ve gleaned from our study of the Scriptures and from helping people for more than four decades. These articles share real life examples—many from our marriage and family—about how you can live courageously in an increasingly complex world.”

In 2011, Barbara launched the Ever Thine Home®.com site and line of home décor and teaching tools for women to help them express their faith and make holiday celebrations more meaningful and Christ-centered. Her blog has continued to grow and now touches nearly 40,000 women weekly with practical advice on being a woman, wife and mother. The site includes a Q & A feature to allow Barbara to mentor those who message her, “Sharing what God has taught me over 50 years will, I pray, encourage you in your faith and family relationships,” she posted.

Barbara’s Letters to My Daughter: The Art of Being a Wife sold 60,000 copies in hardback when it was originally released in 2016. The book was re-released in paperback in 2022 so the next generation of young ladies and their daughters can glean from its wisdom.

She describes the book as being “based on questions about marriage I gathered from my four daughters, my two ‘grafted in’ daughters who married my sons, and many of their friends, and it’s dedicated to all of them by name.”

Adult Children

Dennis recently posted a series on TheRaineys.org titled Transforming the Empty Nest into “Prime Time,” where he exhorts, “The rest of our lives—the years of prime time—were designed by God to be fruitful and purposeful.” He encourages couples to consider how they can continue to build their legacy during their later years. “I want to challenge you with this thought: If your mission does not include the Great Commandment and the Great Commission, you’re going to miss life.”

Another relevant topic: relating to adult children.

“I wouldn’t say we were well equipped for the terrible twos, but we’d heard so much about them,” he said. “We were ambushed by adult children. We don’t realize we have to let go, because you can’t control your adult children and their spouses. We were not prepared for it. You have to learn how to love them on their own terms.

“We’ve got six adult children and six married to them. All the witnesses are living.”

He recommends reducing expectations, “instead of expecting it to be a Cinderella story, keep your mouth shut unless they ask for help. They have to hammer out life with God’s help their way,” adding, “You can’t tell them where to spend Christmas, how to raise their kids. They have to work that out with their spouse through the Holy Spirit’s leading and leave the results to God. A signature of marriage is to leave, cleave, and become one. You can’t interrupt that.”

In the new year, Barbara’s posts will address the topic of disappointment —what happens when you don’t achieve a dream with your spouse, your kids, a parent dies, health fails or you lose a job.

“Disappointment is the fabric of life, it’s what God uses to teach us,” Dennis said. “God’s not silent,” Dennis said. “He speaks to people who have not realized their expectations.”

Barbara had opportunities to work through this herself. She’s currently creating an online Bible study available in 2023 on Ever Thine Home®.com to connect people who are walking through a trial.

Barbara has said, “Disappointment is the birthplace of hope, and it is evidence that you in fact believe in God. It’s an opportunity to see God and have an experience or an encounter with Him that results in life change and growth.”

“Loss is a part of life. If you get old enough, you’ll lose your strength, your hearing, your eyesight, your ability to do the things you used to like to do. It’s no fun. The hurt goes deep. How do you handle it? Deny it? Speak platitudes? Or speak truth. We need others to help us.”

You can find a preview of the study at EverThineHome®.com or TheRaineys.org along with their other resources as they continue to press forward. Content updates weekly. Follow them and finish well together. They are still running toward the finish line.