Author, Speaker Cindi McMenamin Helps Women Find Strength for the Soul

Jul 20

Where did the romance go? Many couples look up a few years into their marriage (and a baby or two) and wonder what happened. Wives in particular may feel the expectations they had of happily ever after have faded. Their once charming prince has retreated into silence and distance. Both have become so busy with work, family obligations and children they feel like ships passing in the night.

Award-winning writer and national speaker Cindi McMenamin understands the deep loneliness and disappointments women often feel in their marriages. She’s had more than 30 years’ experience ministering to women’s hearts, addressing their need to feel close to their husbands. Her work helps women in all ages and stages discover strength for the soul in the truth of God’s word. She inspires women to let God meet their emotional needs, grow stronger through their alone times, and pursue their dreams with boldness.

Cindi’s first book, Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs, introduces the central theme of all Cindi’s 17 publications. She exhorts women to look to God, rather than their husbands, to meet their emotional needs. When a woman follows that biblical model, she will find peace and joy in knowing she is being obedient to God’s will, Cindi said. The key is transferring the responsibility to God.

“Only God can satisfy. That has been my lifeline in marriage. You expect your husband will be your everything, but he will disappoint you because he’s human. Your expectations are too high. The more I grow in my relationship with the Lord, the better my marriage is,” she said. Her foundational message: a confident, fulfilled woman is one who is growing in an intimate relationship with Christ, which results in improved relationships with others.

Cindi applied this principle to her own marriage when she and her husband of 35 years, Hugh, experienced the pressures of raising a young child and balancing her writing career with his demanding position as a pastor. She began discipling other women about how God can fill them up completely.

“So many wives were unhappy in their marriage because of what their husband wasn’t doing for them,” she said. “When I reminded them to shift their eyes to God, their relationship began to improve. God either changed their husband, or God changed them so they were not so critical.”

Cindi shares this message with women’s groups nationwide. Her most requested speaking topics include Brave - Discover who you really are and all you can do through Christ; Drama Free - Put Jesus center stage and dial down the drama around you; Restored: From Broken to Beautiful – Experience God’s healing touch for a woman’s soul; and Legacy of Love – Discover what’s waiting as you trust God with the story of your life.

Cindi’s message is not revolutionary, her tenets come straight from scripture. Her time-tested philosophy inspired by icons of virtue like Cynthia Heald, Elisabeth Elliott and Elizabeth George has proven true not only in her own marriage but in those of the thousands of women whose lives she’s touched through her books, website and speaking engagements.

However, her recommendations may seem countercultural to younger women today. Her advice to follow Jesus’ model and die to self, putting the husband’s needs first, flies in the face of the “me” generation. Cindi admits she does receive feedback from women asking when she’s going to write about what their husband needs to do to meet their needs. Cindi explains her message for women is what she believes God has called a wife to do, which will bear fruit as God blesses their efforts.

“Marriage is a beautiful exercise in dying to self as we give up our life to another,” Cindi said. “That’s what Jesus taught. That’s the key to joy in life and marriage. It is natural to want happiness and to want to do our own thing, but God wants to make us holy—not just happy—through our marriage. Joy comes through obedience. It makes it easier when the husband is meeting his wife in the same way, but God’s not going to miss something in this picture. God puts his covering and protection on us as we follow his word.”

She cited a recent survey by Barna Research, noting that many millennials have watched their parents’ divorce and may see marriage as a serial relationship – expecting it not to work and figuring they will get it right on the second or third attempt. Cindi offers a different message. Her strategies equip women to work on their current marriage from the inside – to counter culture in a way that follows Philippians 2:3-4. “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

“In marriage we are in constant warfare. If Satan can take down a marriage, he can destroy the whole family,” she said. “So many people look at God’s law and think it’s interpreted in many ways. God’s law doesn’t change with culture. While there may be many applications, there’s only one interpretation.”

Cindi opens her popular book, When a Woman Inspires her Husband: Understanding and Affirming the Man in Your Life, with the concept of being a helper to your husband.

“I need to quit focusing on everything I want in a husband and focus on what he needs in a wife,” she wrote. “God created us to be his helper, but society has convinced us he needs to help us. To start drawing your husband closer to your heart, ask not what your relationship can do for you. Ask what YOU can do for your relationship. Years of personal and counseling experience have proven that mind-set to be beneficial,” she added.

“Marriage is not about what you are supposed to get but what you are designed to give.” Along with examples and testimonials from other couples, Hugh also included his feedback, in particular contributing to the chapter about a husband’s spirituality. The book quotes passages from scripture, including Song of Solomon when referring to physical intimacy.

In subsequent chapters Cindi unpacks words and actions a wife can take that will show her husband she’s his number one cheerleader, which meets a man’s deep-seated need for admiration and respect. She provides the acronym CHEER.

C-Come Alongside Him

H-Help Him Look Good … Always

E-Encourage Him Personally

E-Elevate Him in Front of Others

R-Respond to Him Enthusiastically

Other ways to help draw a husband’s heart to his wife: Give him some room to breathe, make home a sanctuary, encourage him to dream, entice him to pursue you sexually, honor his lead, and accept his spirituality.

12 Ways to Experience More

Cindi’s most recent book, 12 Ways to Experience More With Your Husband, released in 2018 and could be considered a follow up to When a Woman Inspires Her Husband. While it appeals to wives in any stage of marriage, 12 Ways may have particular application for those heading toward a transition like the empty nest, Cindi said.

A statement on the back cover sets the stage, “When You’re Together… But Feel Miles Apart. Your marriage isn’t broken, but it doesn’t seem to be growing, either. Where’s the spark and passion you experienced as newlyweds? …How can your marriage ever get back to that place? That spark is still there, waiting to be fanned into a lasting flame! Let …. Cindi show you the small changes you can make to touch your husband’s heart in a big way.”

* Try seven new ways to ‘switch it up’ at home

* Respond to your spouse in ways that intrigue him

* See the bigger picture when misunderstandings arise

A key theme Cindi expresses: “So many times I wished I could have back that man I married… And then I realized there was only one way to recapture his heart. Be the woman I was and do the things I did when he first fell in love with me.”

“Marriage is not about what you are supposed to get
but what you are designed to give.”

— Cindi

This book reiterates Cindi’s original principles of dying to self and serving as a helpmeet to one’s husband, but she also adds feedback from friends and respected counselors, Robin and Jeff Reinke about the pain and peace cycle, how to avoid pushing buttons and forgive.

“Jeff and Robin’s material, based on the works of Drs. Terry and Sharon Hargrave, was profoundly helpful in understanding my husband’s pain and mine,” Cindi said. “When I understand how Hugh’s been wounded, it gives me more compassion for him. I can help him find healing from Jesus instead of accentuating his pain.”

Wives, avoid the big three of smothering, mothering and hovering, which drive a husband away. “Every man wants a girlfriend, not a mother. So, act like his girlfriend, not the woman who raised him,” she wrote.

Cindi noted a helpful chart found on page 109 that lists better ways to frame what wives want to say to their husbands. “We often don’t think about how we say things, or even the non-verbal language we’re using. We’re on the safe side if our questions and statements sound positive rather than accusing.”

Wives can close the communication gap with questions like “That’s interesting, tell me more about what is on your heart and mind.” And “How can I support you in whatever is on your mind and heart right now?”

Up next, Cindi’s writing a brand-new book, The New Loneliness, that Harvest House Publishers will be released in early 2025 as a 20-year-follow up to her best-selling book, When Women Walk Alone. It will address how women can connect more deeply with God and one another in this post-pandemic era. A hardback devotional by the same title will release in Fall 2025. Visit StrengthForTheSoul.com for blog posts, video clips, and other free resources, or to participate in research for her new book.