Your Marriage God’s Way | Pastor Scott LaPierre Equips Marriages with Wisdom from God’s Word

Jan 2

God designed the family as the primary unit of society. And marriage is the heart of the family. Since marriage was designed by God, what better place to find instruction on how to live it out than in His Word?

The concept of applying scripture to daily life forms the foundation of Scott LaPierre’s teaching. He first began preparing a marriage sermon series for his congregation at Woodland Christian Church in Washington state. Marriage month sermons grew into a year-round emphasis and commitment to help the families of his flock thrive in their relationships.

“I saw a real need for strengthening marriages,” Scott said. “People come to church and look all shiny, but then they’d come meet me in my office, and I saw how many marriages were hurting. I have a responsibility to help these marriages,” he added. “When marriages are strong, families will be strong, churches will be strong, and society will be strong.” Realizing that he would be preaching to some in his congregation who had been married longer than he had been alive, Scott turned to the Bible for wisdom, spending tens of hours weekly pouring his heart and soul into his sermons. It was his wife, Katie, who encouraged him to turn his hard work into his first book, Your Marriage God's Way: A Biblical Guide to a Christ-Centered Relationship, based on his sermon transcripts. Your Marriage God’s Way was published in 2016, and now also includes a workbook and shorter conference guide. The book opened the door for Scott to begin speaking at marriage conferences across the nation. He and Katie also contributed to Love’s Letters: A Collection of Timeless Relationship Advice from Today’s Hottest Marriage Experts. His short book, Seven Biblical Insights for Healthy, Joyful, Christ-Centered Marriages is available at no charge at https://www.scottlapierre.org/.

His books will appeal to those who appreciate teaching thoroughly grounded in the Word of God, as his books include extensive scripture references.

“God is the author of marriage. He designed the roles and responsibilities for husbands and wives. He knows what couples need so they can experience healthy, joyful, Christ-centered relationships, and He provided the principles in His Word,” Scott wrote.

Katie and Scott LaPierre are living examples of his message that “Godly marriages can reveal Christ to an unbelieving world.”

The two knew each other growing up in the mountains of Northern California, but they didn’t reconnect until 10 years after high school, when both had become believers. Scott served as an officer in the U.S. Army after ROTC in college, taught elementary school, and coached football and wrestling. During his second year teaching, a family tragedy drew him to Christ.

Scott felt called to become a pastor when he realized he was much more interested in telling people to open their Bibles than their English books. In additional to serving as a pastor’s wife, Katie runs a ministry encouraging mothers called Eternally Minded Mamas, while the LaPierres homeschool their 10 children.

In the last 13 years as a senior pastor, Scott’s counseled many couples and found commonalities. “By the time people come into my office, they should have seen me months or years ago. Couples think they are the only ones with problems, that their marriage is different, but most people have the same problems. The husband feels disrespected, and the wife feels unloved. Because our relationships with our spouses reflect our relationships with Christ, our marriage ‘problems’ are merely symptoms. The actual problems are in our relationships with Christ.”

“God says He will honor those who honor Him. Marriage problems are symptoms of disobedience. I very early on encouraged people to recognize marriage is an outpouring of their relationship with Christ. If a man loves Christ, he’ll love his wife. Not because she’s always lovable and perfect, but because Christ commands him to,” Scott said. A wife who wants to submit to Christ will submit to her husband. Each of their vertical relationships with the Lord flows outward horizontally to their spouse.

It is impossible for people to draw on their relationship with their spouse to motivate them to treat the other well. But we can draw on the Gospel to empower us to do the things Christ wants us to do. Once we recognize the source of the strength, it is a lot easier.

“Marriage problems are symptoms of disobedience.”

— Scott LaPierre

People need to understand love and respect are not feelings or emotions, they are choices. If you think love is a feeling, you can fall in love or fall out of love. A wife could say, “I don’t feel like I respect my husband.” We choose whether we love or respect someone, and we can choose our responses and behavior toward them.

Equal or Complementary?

Scott is a firm believer in complementarianism in marriage versus egalitarianism, which he explains in depth in his book. Complementarians believe men and women are equal, but God gave husbands and wives distinctly separate commands and roles, to include charging a husband to lead his family spiritually.

Scott drills down to explain how even the Greek words used in the Bible to describe the types of love husband and wife should have for each other are different. Husbands are commanded to “agape” love their wives, a high standard used by God to describe the depth of tender, sacrificial love He shows to humans. Wives are instructed to “phileo” love their husbands, which translates to deep friendship and support.

Why would God use different words for men and women? Scott believes it is because the genders have different emotional needs.

“Most men — myself included — would say it can be very discouraging and trying at times being a husband, father, provider, spiritual leader, and all the other roles and responsibilities that fall on men’s shoulders. What could be more encouraging for a husband than a wife who is also a best friend, regularly lavishing phileo on him? On the other hand, a wife needs the agape of her husband because she lives under his authority. She needs him to treat her with the tender, sacrificial agape Christ showed His bride, the church.”

Scott takes God’s Word extremely seriously, and he’s not afraid to take a stand against culture and tackle tough topics – even unpopular passages like submission. He doesn’t shrink from discussing the “taboo” issue in a way that is honest and honoring to both men and women.

“A husband’s love and a wife’s submission are not tests of their obedience to their spouses. They are tests of their obedience to the Lord.

“If you look at any area of life – business, school, the military, coaching — each recognizes the need for headship and submission. Roles have equality but differences in authority. It frustrates me that the world does not apply this to the area of marriage.

“Nobody is without a head, other than God. Somehow the idea that a wife is supposed to submit to her husband has been equated to the idea that she is inferior. She is not!” Scott expounded. “If you believe submission makes you unequal, look at Jesus. He submitted to God’s will. Submission is not an indication of inferiority.”

“A husband’s love and a wife’s submission are not tests of their obedience to their spouses. They are tests of their obedience to the Lord.””

— Scott LaPierre

Scott tells of an experience he had as a keynote speaker at a marriage conference. When he volunteered to address the topic of wives submitting to their husbands, “All of the air seemed to suck out of the room. People didn’t want to make eye contact with me.” He pointed out that submission was commanded in the New Testament every time wives were mentioned and asked, “Will you trust me to do a tactful job with this?”

Not only was his message well received (confirmed empirically by survey comments) his resources completely sold out – for the first time! “People who are born again hunger and thirst for truth,” he said. “There’s this nagging suspicion that God’s Word says this. I’ve watched people gloss over and shrink back from what God’s Word really means, but people want to hear the plain truth from God’s Word. The flesh might not like the conviction, but it resonates with those who are really seeking God’s Word.”

Another out-of-fashion word that seems to draw ire is the designation of the woman as the man’s helper, Scott explained.

“If ‘helper’ is a criticism, it’s a criticism of the man. It’s a commentary on man’s insufficiency that he needs his wife to be his strong supporter for counsel and advice. God speaks to me powerfully through Katie.

“God, the Holy Spirit and your wife are three great resources. Only the most foolish men won’t consult with their wives. If a man is making a decision and considers his wife’s counsel, ideally, they would come to an agreement. If for some reason they don’t agree, God says the husband becomes the decision maker. (And he is responsible to God for that decision.) The wife needs to do her best to support him, although that does not mean to submit to abuse or sin, nor does it mean submitting to any man other than her own husband.

Scott reminds people that commands are not conditional. A husband is commanded to agape love his wife, and a wife is commanded to submit. They can make obedience easier for each other by their attitudes and behavior. Wives can work on being more lovable, and men can live in a way that inspires confidence. “It is much easier for a wife to submit to a man when she’s confident he wants what’s best for his family, when he is in the Word, when she sees her husband praying and involved in the church,” he said. Wives can encourage their husbands to step up into the spiritual leadership role by positively affirming attempts.

Scott points out submission and respect are not the same. “It’s hard to submit to an unspiritual man and hard to respect a man engaged in habitual sin – one who wastes money, plays video games for hours, neglects his children, looks at porn. The Spirit craves godly spiritual leadership. Husbands can place a heavy burden on their wives if they persist in sin.”

Back in Genesis 2, God commanded Adam and Eve to leave their father and mother, become one flesh, and prioritize their marital relationship above others – an instructive command, Scott pointed out – since the first couple had no earthly parents. How this applies today is that a husband needs to make sure his relationship with his wife is supreme over everything else (other than that with God) – more important than poker nights with the guys, sports, golf…. even his job. As a husband needs his wife’s supportive friendship, she needs him to care for her as his most cherished treasure, not as an object or employee who satisfies his needs, Scott said.

Scott applies biblical wisdom to other areas of marital life in his books, workbooks, blogs, podcasts and conference topics on contentment, good financial stewardship, the proper relationship between work and rest and enduring trials.

Interested in learning more about how to have a healthy, joyous marriage based on God’s Word? Learn more at Scott LaPierre’s website.