The Power of The Blessing | Kari Trent Stageberg Overcame Domestic Violence to Join Father’s Flagship StrongFamilies Ministry

Jul 22

Life holds many surprises. Despite our best laid plans, we can look up like the prodigal son and realize we are not in the place we imagined we’d be.

This was the situation for author and coach Kari Trent Stageberg. You might recognize her maiden name, Trent. She’s the daughter of renowned relationship expert Dr. John Trent, co-author with Gary Smalley of best-selling The Blessing: Giving the Gift of Unconditional Love and Acceptance, and founder of StrongFamilies ministry. Kari now works closely with her father, running day-to-day operations, coaching and writing books both in conjunction with him and on her own.

The congenial arrangement now was not always the case. Like so many young people, Kari spent a desert season away from faith and family. In her early 20s, feeling far from God, and despite her parents’ best intentions, she eloped with a man she soon realized was abusive. She spent several years estranged from her family, who tried desperately to keep in touch. Once her father even enticed her to meet him by offering to replace the tires on her car. It was at that meeting he handed her a letter of blessing that listed 10 positive truths about her. “Definitely not things I was hearing from my ex-husband,” Kari said. “I was so low I didn’t even believe any of those things about myself.”

Over the next two years, whenever there was an incident, she’d shelter in the bathroom and pull out the piece of paper to comfort herself. Over time, Kari went from thinking, “None of these are true,” to “I wish these were true,” to “Maybe they could be true,” to “I believe they are true!” One night, after her ex-husband had been particularly violent, he uncharacteristically left their home. Kari prayed to God that if He was real, to please show up and get her out of the situation. A few minutes later a friend arrived to help her leave. That started her healing journey, part of which took her from Arizona to the state of Washington, where five years later Kari met her husband, Joey. The couple now has two young sons.

As Kari accepted God’s love and the blessing of her family, her father invited her to join him in his work at StrongFamilies, in particular, to help the next generation of newly marrieds and young families become aware of the tools he’d created. As their professional relationship has grown over the past eight years, Kari now co-runs the organization as CEO. “It’s evolved into a full partnership,” she said. As she’s stepped up, “It has been really beautiful for dad to be able to choose the projects he wants to do.” One of her first endeavors was to help her father update and revise The Blessing, which originally published the year Kari was born.

“It needed a younger voice” and more application, Kari said. “How do I make the blessing a lifestyle, not just a one-time transaction with someone you love?” Her chapters focus on how to practically give the blessing to friends or someone struggling. She added questions for small groups and personal practice, with particular emphasis on how to heal for those who didn’t get the blessing, or as in her case, experienced a significant life event that subtracted from it.

Kari also helped streamline the original content into a shorter, reader friendly version without the study guide questions titled The Power of the Blessing that released in 2024. As in her first revision, Kari’s emphasis was on practicality. The father-daughter duo plan soon to release another version that more directly “reverses the curse” for those who missed the blessing or need a fresh anointing.

In addition to writing, Kari’s responsibilities include co-hosting the StrongFamilies podcasts and spearheading the ministry’s social media campaigns. A recent email newsletter shared this message gleaned from The Blessing:

“Imagine you’re struggling and discouraged. Feeling lonely and unwanted. That you’re not as strong or smart as those around you. Certainly not as courageous. And then someone sits down next to you. Looks you right in the eye. Even takes your hand. And says,

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”

We need spoken words of blessing so much. That God sees us, loves us, chooses us, cares for us, will never bail out on us, wants us, that we’re enough. And that person needs to know that we’re crazy about them and see strengths and a special future in their life as well.”

Who wouldn’t desire to hear such affirmation!

Following her father’s footsteps, Kari has been certified as a Master Coach and Instructor with the International Christian Coaching Institute (ICCI). She’s also a graduate of Bob Biehl's Consulting Institute.

The two co-wrote the book, Where Do I Go From Here, that explains the LifeMapping® tool Dr. Trent created to help people get “unstuck.” They both appreciate the value of storytelling and word pictures – often using a storyboard to help people visualize their strengths and learn how to keep their plan going when life knocks them down. Whether it’s a decision to make or an unexpected life circumstance, l LifeMapping®, used in conjunction with storyboarding, can help make direction clear.

“LifeMapping® is a practical way to see the full picture of our life story,” Kari said. “Everyone’s life story includes strengths, successes and struggles. Life coaches, counselors, lay leaders, parents — can use it to get someone’s life story out where you can see it and help them get unstuck and process what’s next. She remembers her father brandishing the whiteboard and sticky notes every time she had a decision to make when she was growing up.

“When we storyboard, we can celebrate the victories where God has shown up and been faithful and make a plan to move forward when we get to a roadblock,” Kari added.

Coaches can use LifeMapping® to help couples regain their first love as it helps them capture their life story and key pictures of their past and present. LifeMapping® moves a couple forward to create a clear plan of blessing and attachment-building that can strengthen commitment and impact their lives and generations to come. Dr. Trent and Kari recently were invited to Focus on the Family to talk about Where Do I Go From Here. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOcxc8X8gQM )

Kari remembers using the tool with a woman who was having trouble attaching to her husband and family. “Something always was holding her back relationally,” she said. “When we walked through the process, we saw a freeze point. A base commander and chaplain showed up at her home when she was 10 years old to inform her that her dad had been killed in action. She was home alone! That incident triggered her family falling apart and created feelings of “what’s the next terrible thing that’s going to happen” that prevented her from entering the deep relationships she wanted. Kari was able to help the woman overcome the emotional obstacle.

Kari found herself recently returning to this resource when her family experienced a devastating car accident in the summer of 2023. Although the car seats kept her babies from serious harm, the roof caved in on Joey, and she didn’t know if he was alive when the ambulance left with him. He broke five vertebrae and sustained a traumatic brain injury, from which he is still recovering a year later.

“It’s been a crazy season for our family,” Kari said, “but God has been so faithful. Joey’s outcome has been so much more successful than most people with the type of brain injury he’s had.” She noted her parents flew up immediately to help, and one of the first things Dr. Trent did when Joey was still in ICU was use the storyboarding technique to help Kari plan how to organize the legal items, responsibilities with the kids, appointments, drivers, and plug in the people who wanted to help.

“In life, everyone is going to have some sort of crisis. How do you get your hands around all the details when your life goes from 0 to 60 in two seconds?” she asked.

The content of another of her books also turned out to be “worth its weight in gold,” during this season. Her newest book, The Merge for Marriage: Turning Frustration and Disunity into Closeness and Commitment, released in 2023 just as the family found themselves in the hospital.

Kari and her father joke, “Don’t write about something unless you want to live it.” She thought she had avoided that situation when she wrote The Merge for Marriage, because she already had been married for seven years. But when the couple went through the accident, it threw everything in the air. Kari turned to the lessons she wrote for young marrieds as she worked through ways to connect with her husband despite the limitations of his brain injury.

“In the first few months he did not have the emotional capacity to engage. We are having to figure out how to do life together in the middle of a crisis. That’s why I am so thankful for this book. It was a game plan to execute. It would have been easy to say, ‘Talk to me when you are you.’ But we still have to figure out how to be close and connected even if it looks different than what we expected.” As Joey’s brain continues to heal, Kari noted they are closer and have more intimacy than before.

In The Merge for marriage, Kari shares how to overcome the pressures put on newly married couples by the modern world. She describes the content on the website, https://www.karitrentstageberg.com/.

“Newly married couples face tremendous challenges. And in our social media-driven world, it’s easy to think that everyone else has it together in their marriages and wonder if maybe you made a mistake. The truth is, most couples don’t enter marriage with the communication or attachment skills needed to deal with the integration of two lives.

“The Merge for Marriage helps answer the question EVERY married couple will face: ‘Can we ever get on the same page?’ Couples will learn

what it means to ‘merge’ and the damaging effects of not dealing with differences early in a marriage
a practical, powerful plan for dealing with differences with one’s partner
how to help another couple walk through the merge process.
Plus, experience date nights to help apply what they are learning right away

“Full of practical stories, current research on connection and attachment, and enduring biblical principles, this book will help a couple learn how the different ‘merge points’ in their marriage can actually strengthen their relationship so that they can enjoy a thriving marriage.”

“Sometimes we need a map to help us reapply the things we did at first,” Kari said. The Merge for Marriage includes a step-by-step guide with date night activities after each chapter so couples can have fun and apply what they’ve learned. “No matter where things are, we can follow a process, and God will show up in the middle of things.

“So much is not about perfection – it’s about starting somewhere. God is able to do more than we can possibly imagine when we let him in.”

Training Champions to Become Coaches

In addition to seeing clients on their own, Dr. Trent and Kari multiply leaders who are proficient in their coaching techniques. StrongFamilies partners with the International Christian Coaching Institute to train marriage champions over the internet.

Champions can become certified as StrongFamilies strengths coaches (using the Connect Assessment), blessing and attachment coaches, and Where Do I Go From Here LifeMapping® coaches, using the StrongRelationships model. No special degree or training is required, individuals can sign up to take the courses right through ICCIcoaching.com.

“So much is not about perfection – it’s about starting somewhere. God is able to do more than we can possibly imagine when we let him in.”

— Kari Trent Stageberg

The three 10-hour courses weave well and can be taken together or separately, Kari said.

Dr. Trent and Kari’s signature seminar for marriages is called Strong Relationships in Stressful Times. (https://www.strongfamilies.com/marriage). This on-demand, three-session streaming course has been used by couples, small groups or at larger church events. Participants will look at their strengths (Beaver, Otter, Lion, Golden Retriever), determine if they received The Blessing and learn how to rebuild attachment by incorporating The Blessing’s five elements. They’ll also learn about the two-degree difference – how small things can begin to make huge changes in relationships.

For those who find encouragement from Kari’s story of overcoming domestic violence, she also offers The First 10 Days of Healing ebook on her website.

Kari Trent Stageberg

“No matter where you are today, coming out of abuse, going through a tough season, or grieving a loss, there is so much hope. AND there are some powerful and practical things that you can do to begin to move forward.”