Re|Engage, Merge | John McGee Shares Watermark Church’s Tested Marriage Curricula

May 1

It wasn’t long after pastor John McGee gave his life to Christ as a teen that he felt called to ministry. He wanted to make a difference in the kingdom of God, so he enrolled at Dallas Theological Seminary with dreams of heading overseas as a missionary, planting a church or teaching pastors. But God had a different plan to use John’s talents. Leaders at fledgling Watermark Community Church in Dallas asked John and his wife, Pam, to help with small groups, and by 2003 he was designated the church’s marriage pastor.

John candidly admits at the tender age of 28 he didn’t fully understand the value of marriage ministry, but as he worked with couples he realized, “You’d be hard pressed to find something that has more of a generational impact. Watching parents put their marriages and faith back together was an amazing gift,” he said.

As John began to flesh out Watermark’s marriage ministry, he reached out to other churches but found a dearth of resources. “Churches might have sponsored a Valentine’s Day banquet or a conference,” he said. “I thought, ‘There has to be more than that!’ If I could make this easier for other people, that would be a lot of fun.”

He established Watermark’s plan to provide a safety net for marriages in every stage. The church starts couples off strong with pre-marital prep, helps newlyweds establish good habits in the first years, enriches and strengthens marriages, and supports those struggling. As his responsibilities shifted from working with couples directly to creating programs and writing curriculum, including highly regarded Re|Engage and Merge, John moved into the role of Senior Director of Watermark Resources and now supports churches and leaders through conferences and podcasts, in addition to continuing to refine Watermark’s flagship programs. More than 600 churches currently offer Re|Engage. Watermark’s Church leader conference brings together 3200 leaders from around the country annually.

Watermark serves those just beginning their marriage journey by preparing pre-married couples in Merge classes that now involve thousands. While many churches have caught the vision of reaching out to pre-marrieds, as the popularity of Merge attests, John realized the benefit of continuing to follow them after the wedding, which led him to create Foundations groups.

“We realized we were watching newlywed couples leave our church because they, ‘couldn’t find our people.’ It was a problem we needed to solve.” John said. If newlyweds can become close to a few other couples in this time of transition, their marriages will grow and thrive.

People tend to pattern their lives based on the example of others. “If we surround ourselves with those who invest in their marriages and deal with conflict in healthy ways, we’ll start to become like them,” he added. “And when life does get tough, we have a chorus of people who are willing to work with us and stand by us. I so believe in the value of starting a marriage that way and then continuing in the habit of having people in life who will encourage us with honest accountability.”

John recruited mentors to lead small groups of newlyweds through marriage building lessons addressing finances, sex, communication, God’s view of marriage, how to be in a small group and do life together gleaned from books like The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. “Really, a church could take any comprehensive marriage book or video series and plug that into a small group or Sunday School class format and see the benefits,” he added.

Ministering to this demographic is one of the easiest, yet most strategic and meaningful ways to get started in marriage ministry, John said. “I feel like we save one marriage per group, because couples have a mentor and peers to share with who are serious about marriage. It is much easier to change habits at year one when the cement is wet,” John said. “We can minimize the damage of bad thinking and bad habits. If you get it right, everything is going to flow downstream to their kids. If it’s not healthy at the top, we’ll have ramifications for a long time. It’s easier to play offense than defense.”

Churches might not see the positive effects immediately. “This is a longer-term play,” he said, noting that most of Watermark’s key leaders now came through their Foundations Groups. He gave an analogy of tending to a sapling. “When you plant an orchard, the first years are not that exciting. You get a tree started and tethered and protect it from disease before you enjoy the fruit.”

Re|Engage:

Re|Engage is a weekly ministry for married couples to find help, learn, and grow in their marriage through a small group setting. Since its official beginning in 2008 after piloting, at least 125,000 couples have completed the program.

Now a 16-week experience, Re|Engage helps couples examine God’s design for marriage and apply biblical principles to their relationship. As couples work through issues and build skills like communication, they are taught to interact authentically and with grace. Re|Engage’s content applies equally to couples wanting to reinvigorate their marriage or those struggling with serious issues. Each week includes a time of music, teaching or testimony based on Watermark’s tested and proven curriculum and sharing in a safe, confidential small group.

“Whether a couple rates their marriage as a 1 and they want to get to a 2, or an 8 and they want to get to a 9, Re|Engage is a safe place to reconnect, reignite and resurrect a marriage,” John said.

Most of the churches that offer Re|Engage provide childcare.

John began working on pilot programs for Re|Engage in 2005 and tested content for three years. “Above all, we wanted to be careful that we didn’t make things worse between spouses,” he said. Although he doesn’t have clinical training in counseling, John gleaned from leaders in the field like friends Dr. Scott Stanley and Dr. Gary Thomas. Watermark continues to raise the bar. John re-wrote the curriculum in 2010 and then again in the early 2020s.

In addition to the power of God’s Word and Spirit, John credits the support of small groups and the testimony of peers as being the secret sauce behind Re|Engage’s effectiveness.

“The process is not complicated,” he said. “It’s God’s Word, God’s Spirit and God’s people in the room. There’s community in the small group. Couples grow hope as they share stories of overcoming infidelity, sickness, financial difficulties, growing apart. Everyone can find themselves in a story. We hold out hope until someone can hold onto it for themselves. We can’t do it by ourselves.”

In the words of a participant, “Now our marriage is characterized by grace, understanding, thankfulness and joy.” What more could one desire?

“If we surround ourselves with those who invest in their marriages and deal with conflict in healthy ways, we’ll start to become like them.”

— John McGee

John developed Re|Engage to be a turnkey program that churches can easily implement with little additional effort. The time-tested curriculum is easy to employ. “A lot of churches are willing and excited to do something for marriage, but they have a hard time creating something out of thin air,” he said. “It takes a long time to develop something, make it viable and then excellent. We encourage churches to save time by choosing something off the shelf, then they can decide how to make it their own. It will save them years of planning and writing.”

Potential leaders can start the process at Re|Engage.org, where they’ll find curriculum, training models, steps to get started and testimonies. Watermark also hosts ministry open houses around the country and several conferences for those who want to dive more deeply into the content.

Offering one of Watermark’s programs is not meant to burden an already overloaded pastor. Some larger churches make supporting marriages part of a staff member’s job, but most seek impassioned lay leaders who would be great at doing marriage ministry and would love the opportunity to do so. If the pastor can connect lay couples and provide basic support like announcements and space to meet, these volunteers will do a great job, John said. “All they need are some tools and some training. Give them a shot!”

John’s favorite part of his work is hearing stories of lives changed. “I feel like we are in the book of Acts,” he said, “watching lay couples in churches come alive as they are being useful in the lives of others. Many share the joy.”

He met recently with a couple whose journey with Re|Engage led them into leadership. The husband, a non-believer at the time, was having an emotional affair with someone at work. Not only was the couple’s marriage revived through Re|Engage, the husband came to faith in the Lord. Now the two lead others together. “There’s such a vibrancy to their marriage and faith,” John said.

He reminds leaders to make sure they have support from their senior pastors and elders. “Have the wisdom to bring them along,” he said. “Listen, over communicate, never surprise them, and share your wins.”

In his experience advising those seeking to incorporate Watermark’s resources, John’s seen churches make a mistake when they fail to leverage the energy of a marriage event with follow up. Events should not be an end to themselves, rather a way to draw attendees into further connection, he believes.

He cautions those leading marriage ministry to consider today’s culture and “create a marriage ministry for those coming to it, not for yourself.” He reminds Baby Boomers and Gen Xers that “those younger don’t think like you. They’ve been exposed to very different messages. Assume they’ve all looked at porn and what they’ve seen is prolific and dark. They are probably having sex, and they are probably living together. At the end of the day, the principles are still the principles.”

Topics addressed by Re|Engage and Merge also appear in Watermark’s church leadership podcast, some of which include conversations between John and his wife.

“We talk a lot about working on ourselves,” John said. “If I’m agitated with Pam, I’ll tend to focus on her part of the problem. If you want to change your marriage, draw a circle around yourself and change everyone inside the circle.”

John McGee

He also addresses expectations. “Everyone’s been disappointed in some capacity,” he said. “There will be a day when you look at your spouse drooling and snoring, and you’ll have to deal with that reality. Unmet expectations can be a source of contention. Talk them out – don’t hold your spouse to a hidden standard. That makes them fail at a game they don’t even know the rules to!

“We’ve cobbled together ideas about marriage from social media or the movies. What we are looking for isn’t real. It would be impossible for a human to deliver. God ultimately should be the source of our joy.”