Marriage Coaches for Gridiron Greats | NFL Chaplains George and Tondra Gregory Coach Team Members to Win the Home Game

Sep 11

What could NFL football possibly have to do with marriage? Marriage coaches George and Tondra Gregory could not have imagined at the beginning of their ministry journey that one day they’d be given an opportunity to serve as chaplains to one of the hottest franchises in professional football, helping team members defend against divorce and win in their marriages. Contrary to the appearance of his muscular frame, George didn’t even play the sport himself! But they’ve found professional athletes have great need for biblical marriage encouragement, as close to three-quarters of NFL players divorce after retirement.

The Gregorys accepted the position as Chaplains of the LA Chargers in 2017, moving their family across country from New York City to Orange County, California. While the two areas of the country could not be more dissimilar — and light years away from the North Carolina Bible Belt where George and Tondra were raised — they both suffer from a scarcity of Christ-followers and high divorce rates. Problems the Gregorys were eager to tackle after spending more than a dozen years honing their marriage ministry expertise before outreaching to NFL teams, players and coaches.

The couple met in college at North Carolina A&T State University, where they led a large campus Bible study. They married in 1995, and with a new baby on the way, they discovered marriage was not as easy as they thought it was going to be. George’s experience at home was that his strong Christian father ran the roost. Tondra was raised by a single mother. Both of them thought they were in charge. “You can imagine the conflict,” George said. They didn’t know about leaders like James Dobson or Jimmy Evans, he said, but the couple connected with FamilyLife Ministry and attended their Weekend to Remember marriage retreat, a practice the Gregorys repeated for seven years straight. By the third year, they had developed a heart for helping others in their marriages and started taking couples from their church with them. During that time, George obtained his master’s degree from Duke Divinity School, and later Tondra also earned a master’s in counseling and became a nationally certified and licensed marriage and family counselor.

After he became a pastor, George and Tondra felt called to plant a church in New York City. As an evangelistic outreach, they began leading a pre-marriage class for couples who were living together, a common practice in the city due to the high cost of housing. Hundreds of people came through those classes who didn’t believe in Jesus but needed help in their relationship, George said.

Tondra remembers one couple who had been living together for 10 years. Before the end of class, the man proposed to his girlfriend. Tondra asked what had made the difference for him. He told her that before the class, he didn’t know what it meant to be a husband, so he didn’t believe he could be one. After the class, he felt confident in his ability to take on the role. His fiancée thanked Tondra multiple times. “There were hundreds of these testimonies,” Tondra said.

“People come from broken homes, they don’t know what it is to be a family unit or a healthy couple. They need tools and strategies,” George added.

Although George was serving as an executive pastor at the time, the Gregorys felt passionately committed to marriage ministry. They led marriage events and counseled couples on the side, on the weekend, and during their free time. They created their non-profit, Journey for Life (journeyforlifenow.org), as a platform to help people connect with them so they could be equipped for their journey to have successful marriages that last for a lifetime.

“Each marriage is made up of two unique individuals. The hardest part is figuring out how the two become one.”

— Tondra Gregory

And God surprised the Gregorys by leading them in an unexpected direction. A contact from the New York Jets football organization asked them to lead a couples’ Bible study for their players and staff in 2012. The Gregorys eventually became the Jets’ resource for marital support, providing date nights, pre-marriage counseling, and personal couples’ counseling, all while George continued to pastor his church and Tondra ran a successful private counseling practice that attracted influencers and celebrities.

The Gregorys describe their specialty as their ability to share real-life application of the marriage skills they teach: for example, how to come down from an escalated argument and make sense out of life when you want to walk out the door, George said.

“Our prayer moving to New York was that we wanted to be outside of the church’s four walls and go to the areas that need help,” George said. “The divorce rate in the NFL is 70% after retirement. When their career ends, that’s an instant recession for most guys. Many retired players don’t know what to do. They’d always had to focus on what they were supposed to be doing regarding football, and after retirement many look for their purpose in life. Retirement impacts the whole family and can send many into an identity crisis. Ex-players need a coach in life, marriage and spiritual things.”

The crosstown rival New York Giants heard about the Gregorys’ work with the Jets and also invited them to provide marriage and relationship support for their team. “They needed help, and it was our privilege to help,” George said. “The gospel is not a primary area for the NFL. Often chaplains are not being directly financially supported by the teams.” The couple volunteered to host date nights for the Giants players, speaking on marriage topics while couples ate a meal.

After 10 years in New York City, the couple felt they were being directed elsewhere. George’s father was struggling with end-stage ALS, and they considered whether God was calling them to return to North Carolina. When they told the senior Gregory they had resigned their positions in New York, he asked them to join him in concerted prayer for two days to seek God’s direction, noting, “Whatever was coming, it was going to be big.” That week, George heard from a headhunter who specialized in NFL chaplaincies, a position for which George had not applied. He learned there were four spots open, one being with the Chargers, who had hired a new coach and were moving to Los Angeles. The coach would be Anthony Lynn, a former Jets’ Assistant Head Coach who attended the church George pastored in New York!

At first George and Tondra didn’t feel they could move so far due to his father’s declining health, but his dad told George that he fully released him from obligation to come and take care of him so George and Tondra could live on mission for God. This blessing allowed them the freedom to consider the transition. Because of their relationship with Coach Lynn, the Gregorys never even interviewed for the job – they were hired for the Chargers on the spot.

George remembers thinking, “Lord, I need you to come with me on this big move!” The Chargers had never had a full-time team chaplain, but Coach Lynn fully supported the Gregorys from day one.

The chaplain position includes everyone in the Chargers organization — from the players and coaches to the front office corporate executives. “He (Coach Lynn) wanted these men’s lives to be changed, and not just in football. He wanted to bring a resource to help them in their personal lives. That’s very unique in the NFL,” George said.

As George and Tondra settled into the Los Angeles area, they realized that the 72% divorce rate in Orange County rivaled that of the NFL and understood their move wasn’t just for the Chargers. They connected with Rick Warren, founder of Saddleback Church, and discovered their hearts aligned with his about the priority of marriage. Rick asked George and Tondra to preach a message to all four services on Mother’s Day then to lead a four-week marriage class at the church. A month later the Gregorys were invited back to lead a marriage retreat. They are currently the Leaders of Marriage at Saddleback Church.

Now George and Tondra field many opportunities to speak at marriage conferences and retreats. What started as their “weekend hobby” has become their life’s calling.

Their resources include a video-based small group study released in 2023 that falls under Saddleback Church’s umbrella of Purpose. Titled, the Five Purposes of Marriage, the study guide includes links to access the free companion videos.

“In The Five Purposes of Marriage, George and Tondra Gregory answer, ‘Why did God create marriage?’ and shed light on some of God’s purposes for bringing you and your spouse together. Filled with practical tips and real-life examples, this study will help you better understand the value of marriage and appreciate your role in it,” from the website.

PURPOSE ONE: HONOR

Understand the importance of prioritizing your spouse over any other earthly relationship.

PURPOSE TWO: RELATIONAL INTIMACY

Learn the value of building an indestructible bond and closeness in your marriage.

PURPOSE THREE: SPIRITUAL INTIMACY

Grow spiritually together in your relationship with God and spouse in ways you couldn’t do alone.

PURPOSE FOUR: PARTNERSHIP

Commit to the partnership by showing your “love in action” towards your spouse.

PURPOSE FIVE: LEGACY

Build a legacy through your marriage to reflect God’s image and love to others around you.

The Gregory’s wisdom for couples also has been featured in the 2021 book, Love’s Letters: A Collection of Timeless Relationship Advice from Today’s Hottest Marriage Experts, compiled by Scott and Leah Silverii, in which marriage leaders and their spouses share their hearts and wisdom about marriage. In addition to the Gregorys, contributors include Richard and Sheri Bright, Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn, and Debra and John Fileta.

“Love’s Letters: A Collection of Timeless Relationship Advice from Today’s Hottest Marriage Experts is the first ever collaboration featuring twenty-eight couples who champion God’s greatest gift—marriage. Each day’s devotional is written by a different husband and wife team, sharing timeless advice that will elevate your marriage to the next level,” as described by Amazon.

George also co-wrote a book to encourage fathers. In Imperfect Dads, One Perfect Father, four male ministry leaders, “share their uniquely diverse perspectives and personal experiences to show that no matter who you are, how you grew up or what your current situation is, you can always look to the one perfect example of fatherhood to guide you into sharing the best relationship you've ever had with your kids,” from the website.

Currently George and Tondra are refining their pre-marital resources to make them easier for lay couples to lead. Demand has grown so great that in one week alone, George was asked to marry eight couples! They hope to create a pathway for volunteers to help pastors shoulder the load. They also have signed a contract with Christian publisher David C. Cook to release their first marriage book tentatively titled The Marriage Game Plan, in which they’ll walk a couple through practical ways to build a plan unique to their relationship.

“Each marriage is made up of two unique individuals,” Tondra said. “The hardest part is figuring out how the two become one.” Chapters will address a marriage topic and suggest plays, like how to resolve conflict. After the couple has asked each other the hard questions and recorded their answers on the worksheets, they’ll end up with a marriage game plan that is unique to their marriage, they explained.

“We are trying to speak to men who don’t typically read marriage books,” George said. “They might pick it up because of the sports terminology. We want couples to become pro-active and minimize back-end crisis and divorce. Marriage is a journey, and we give them tools to help build that firm foundation.” And if that means starting on the gridiron, the Gregorys are ready to play ball!