Joe and Stephanie DeMott are planning their 50th wedding anniversary next year. But things have not always been so rosy for the couple who founded Missionaries2Marriages 10 years ago and have dedicated the last 38 years of their lives ministering to couples in the U.S. and across the globe. In fact, Joe described the first eight years of their marriage as “hell on earth.” 

The DeMotts married when Stephanie was just 19, and Joe not much older at 20. They struggled to raise three children while Joe began a demanding position with the Denver Police Department. While Stephanie had accepted Christ as a child, Joe’s outwardly religious upbringing had not translated into a personal relationship with Christ. Instead, the path of sexual sin the couple began before their wedding spiraled downward into adultery on both sides. Joe’s controlling behavior as a self-described “macho cop” mimicked the pattern of the abusive household in which Stephanie had been raised. Finally, demoralized and discouraged, Stephanie turned from God, took the kids and walked away from everything. 

It was at this low state that Joe realized how badly he wanted his marriage. He returned to church and made a true commitment to the Lord. “I knew it, and I could feel it,” he said. But just because he was ready to reconcile did not mean Stephanie was on board with his vision. It took two and ½ years of Joe praying, standing and believing their marriage could be saved — while they lived apart — before the two were able to put things back together. 

Joe even considered suicide at one point, but miraculously, God prompted Stephanie to call him even as he picked up the phone to reach out one last time. She describes feeling in her spirit that Joe was crying out to her, which catalyzed her return home. 

“I heard his heart for the first time,” she said, “I had to make a choice. I couldn’t stay where I was in my sin.” She began to understand the need to rebuild her relationship with Christ before their marriage could be restored. For Joe’s part, he needed to stop idolizing the marriage and put God first. “I knew she came back out of obedience to God and not because she loved me,” Joe said. “I made a long list of characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman and believed in faith that’s what she would become.” (a prayer that has been answered a hundredfold.) 

“I believed if I was sowing love, faith would come back,” Joe said. By December 1985, the DeMotts were enough on the same page to start working on their marriage in earnest. 

They walked through a biblically based Married for Life curriculum created by an organization now known as 2Equal1. As they began studying the word of God with their home group, they learned about marriage being a covenant and how to forgive. They also discovered Stephanie needed to be delivered from a spirit of shame from her past. 

They realized that as they were receiving healing, they needed to pour out what they learned, despite the difficulty of sharing the ugly details of their story. “God showed us the importance of testimony,” Stephanie said. “We shall overcome with the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony,” Joe quoted.

“We understood the importance of helping couples. It gives people hope when we share our story. Some couples tell us, ‘We are not as bad as that,’ others say, ‘We know exactly what you are talking about – we’ve been there.’” The DeMotts started ministering to marriages in 1986 and have shared their story publicly as they teach courses at churches, in their published booklet, Redemption, A story of a Healed Marriage and through radio and television interviews on the 700 Club, TBN Praise the Lord and Daystar Television.

During these early years of ministry, the couple were blessed with a fourth child – a “miracle baby” who was delivered despite numerous physical obstacles. God has mightily used this boy as a bridge between Joe and Stephanie and their older children, who were affected by the hurt and turmoil of those early years. “He brought healing and forgiveness back to our home,” Stephanie said. 

When Joe retired in 2006 after 30 years serving on the Denver police force, part of that time working as a homicide detective, their youngest son joined them as they traveled the world speaking on behalf of Married for Life and later as the International Coordinators for 2Equal1. In fact, that boy celebrated his 13th birthday in Ethiopia where they were leading conferences. Connections in Africa continue to bear fruit. The DeMotts recently agreed to partner with one of the largest denominations in Ethiopia that reaches more than 10 million people.

They realized as they became more involved in ministry that the time they were spending in administration was taking away from directly teaching and encouraging couples and church leaders, so in 2014 they followed God’s prompting to start their own ministry, Missionaries2Marriages. Since then, their reach has grown in the U.S. and internationally. Soon after, they realized they wanted to be free to offer printed resources in a less restrictive way, so they wrote their own workbook, 8 Keys to Breakthrough: Victory in your marriage. 

The course and workbook can be used by couples on their own or shared with a small group or Sunday School class. The DeMotts often train couples to be equipped to lead, especially beneficial as the course has spread to more than 35 countries worldwide. They are happy for anyone to access the workbook, whether or not they decide to complete the course. They felt God telling them, “Don’t say no,” to anyone who might want to benefit from the content, Joe said. 

In 2023 they were able to record the course with the help of friends at the Christian Television Network, so now they offer a video version of 8 Keys to Breakthrough as well. Their shorter Fan the Flame manual can be used to lead an abbreviated seminar. Topics include: The Condition of Your Heart, Covenant Love and Discovering Oneness. 

The 8 Keys to Breakthrough workbook opens with an invitation for couples to remember the loving feelings they experienced when they were first married and commit to journey together anew. Keys include Walking in Unity, Covenant, Living in Forgiveness, Growing Together, Victorious Living, United in Love, Breaking Free and the Value of Multiplication. A short assignment concludes each scripture-filled chapter. They title these exercises “Treasured time together,” and they include questions to discuss and pray through as a couple.   

Their content also addresses shame, repentance and God’s forgiveness – whether pertaining to marriage or hurts in general. They reference scriptures about divorce and remarriage – emphasizing a conservative stance of marriage as a three-pronged covenant among husband, wife and God that lasts for a lifetime. They encourage formerly divorced and remarried couples to repent sinning against God, even if they were the party sinned against in their previous marriage, emphasizing that confession opens the door to allow God to strengthen their current marriage. “A lot of pastors are afraid to say this,” Joe mentioned. “But in all these years of teaching it, all we’ve seen is fruit.”

They admit this position is difficult for many, and they don’t require participants or leaders to agree to it as a condition of taking their course or using their resources. They just ask that couples read the applicable scriptures, pray, and act as God leads. 

“God has asked us to make it available so no one under any circumstance will be left behind. We ask that you don’t change the content. We feel the Holy Spirit set this up in the way the Lord wanted, for this particular course,” they write in the workbook’s forward.

The couple believe God can heal any marriage. “We preach the word and do what God calls us to do, and we’ve never found a situation where a couple can’t be healed – including ourselves,” they agreed. 

The DeMotts held their first Denver-area pastors and leaders conference in 2023, providing “Covenant Champions” a place where they could receive healing and refreshment and focus on their own marriages. “Sometimes one part of a ministry team feels hurt and neglected,” Stephanie said. “We talk about the difficulties of working together. It’s a safe place where they can hear encouraging teaching, pray, and enjoy the ministry of music. They are free to enjoy without any responsibilities.” 

The reach of Missionaries2Marriage continues to expand.  8 Keys to Breakthrough has been translated into 18 languages and the ministry has equipped training centers in Pakistan, France and Cuba — 35 nations in total. The DeMotts often network with other evangelistic organizations – providing a marriage component to those who train leaders and pastors all over the globe. Their partnership with Joshua Nations opened the door for them to hold two sessions in Cuba, which led to invitations to visit Costa Rica, Nicaragua and Argentina. 

Despite not speaking any language other than English, the DeMotts have traveled to 16 countries themselves. When asked about experiences that made an impression, they mention visits to Scotland and Cuba. In Scotland, Stephanie was surprised to note she did not feel the presence of any spiritual opposition to their message. When she asked the host pastor for a reason, he told her the church in Scotland was so plagued by apathy the enemy doesn’t spend much time there. 

“I’d rather have the warfare than it just be dead,” she said. 

In contrast, people in Cuba are so hungry for God’s word they were getting saved on the street, Joe reported. The Cuban government won’t let pastors advertise an event, but somehow, 2000 people showed up at the host’s property and stood in the rain for hours to hear the Missionaries2Marriage message. The next day, another 3000 people arrived at a second location. 

“It’s all word of mouth,” Joe said, “nobody knows where they came from. We witnessed all kinds of neat miracles.” 

An event with the Billion Soul Church Network introduced them to a woman who serves as president of a large area in India. She and her husband have set up online training in India, which will multiply to reach the nation. A Pakistani couple has been training people online, taping videos highlighting one principle from Missionaries2Marriage’s manual each month, episodes that now air on Isaac TV, magnifying their reach.

 “We are doing what God is letting us do, and he makes these connections,” Joe said. “We’ve seen some things happen that are just amazing.”

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